March 23rd, 2003

captain harlock

Why I miss the old HOLLYWOOD SQUARES

ganked from, here are the most blatant examples of stuff you'll never get away with on TV today. Are we too P.C., or should we let things be? You decide.

Peter Marshall: According to Parade magazine, on what night of the week is a woman most likely to be molested?
Rose Marie: With my luck it's tonight and I'm working...

Peter Marshall: Are there any nudist camps in Italy?
Paul Lynde: No, the flies would eat you alive...

Peter Marshall: Can Jewish boys get into Boys' Town?
David Brenner: No, but we can own it.

Peter Marshall: According to Apartment Life magazine, can you tell anything significant about the personality of a person whose apartment has brown carpeting, brown furniture and brown walls?
Paul Lynde: Yes, their maid just exploded.

Peter Marshall: According to police, if you are being molested, other than yelling "Help!" what is the best thing to scream?
Rose Marie (clapping): "More!"

Peter Marshall: Demond, as you get older, does your skin get lighter or darker?
Demond Wilson: Awwww, man....(gets up and walks out)
Peter Marshall: Demond! Come back, we need you!

Peter Marshall: True or false...most personal physical attacks are never reported to police.
Rose Marie: No, I just put them in my diary.

Peter Marshall: True or false...most African soccer teams have their own witch doctor.
Redd Foxx: That's true...and their motto is, "If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em."

Peter Marshall: You're eating chicken, and you notice the bones are very dark. What does that tell you about the chicken?
David Steinberg: At one time, the chicken had rhythm...

Peter Marshall: True or false...there's no more nutritional value in watermelon than--
Demond Wilson: That's it! (Gets up and walks out of square)
Peter Marshall: Demond! Come back!
Demond Wilson: I don't have to get insulted like this you know, I'm in the number two show here!

Peter Marshall: To the people of Italy, what is "the poe"?
Paul Lynde: The opposite of "the rich."

Peter Marshall: In ancient times, after a battle, the losers would present the winners with a handful of grass. What did this symbolize?
Paul Lynde: The losers were Mexican!

Peter Marshall: True or Egypt, they grow a special kind of cotton that is multi-colored.
Paul Lynde: And white people have to pick it!

Peter Marshall: Paul, when the citizens of China want a drink of water, they usually do something to it first. What?
Paul Lynde: Remove the shirts.

Peter Marshall: Paul, at the end of the movie Planet of the Apes, what does Charlton Heston see that makes him realize that he is actually in New York City?
Paul Lynde: A Puerto Rican.

Peter Marshall: Flip Wilson has said that he's eaten about 2,000 of them and enjoyed them immensely. To what was he referring?
Paul Lynde: Missionaries.

Peter Marshall: According to The Book of Fairies , who is that creature who stands 14 inches tall, is 400 years old, and is dressed all in Lincoln green?
Paul Lynde: The Emperor Hirohito.

Peter Marshall: Paul, where at any one time will you find one quarter of the earth's population?
Paul Lynde: Crossing the Rio Grande. (He pronounced it "Gran-dee," with emphasis on the first syllable)

Peter Marshall: Can you cross a pumpkin with a watermelon?
George Gobel: Yeah, but you're gonna end up with a jack-o-lantern with an afro.

Peter Marshall: You are married in India. How did you probably meet your spouse?
Paul Lynde: We were fighting over a lima bean.

At least every now and then they put Triumph in a square today.