Movie Geek (marc_e_heuck) wrote,
Movie Geek

How 'bout I take the blue and the red pill, and shove 'em up your ass?

Why don't I like THE MATRIX?

I wish I could, I just saw part 2 tonight, and I wanted to shut my brain off and enjoy the ride, but I couldn't. I wasn't going ooh and aah, I didn't thrust my arms in the classic "YESS!" fashion, I didn't get nervous or excited. Here is what I was feeling:

*The Wachowski Brothers read some egghead books years ago, and thought wouldn't it be great if they could combine that stuff with an action movie and thus couch good old primal asskicking under a veneer of intellectualism. "Do we control the machines, do the machines control us, do we have choice?..." I remember ideas like these. They were spouted by potheads at a college kegger years ago. "How do I know the color blue is the same to you as it is to me?" Easy, look in a fucking Crayola box. [Thank you Dennis Miller, now fuck off you Bush-loving turncoat.] Causology, I supposed to be impressed here? Do we really need heavy philosophy espousals in an action movie?

*Can we PLEASE have a moratorium on dystopian futurism? Can I just once not be subjected to the same nightmare vision of the future where everyone is living in poverty and jackbooted thugs run the world, cause we already have that now, thank you. Could we just once see a future that works? Not necessarily utopia, just something two clicks down from megalopolis? Sure, THE FIFTH ELEMENT is a trifle, but at least it had a new idea -- the future is cluttered, disorganized, and even more rush-rush than now, but it's hardly evil. And is the only alternative to machine enslavement having to live among pretentious, barefoot hippies who only listen to rejected Peter Gabriel drum solos?

*Am I the only person troubled by the fact that a good chunk of the megamillions spent on this movie were for a fake highway to shoot an action sequence that doesn't even look convincing anyway because no suspension of disbelief can change the inherent instinct that nobody could sustain a wire-fu fight on top of an 18-wheeler? I don't know what's worse, the hubris of the Wachowskis to ask to build the highway, or that Warner Bros. gave them the money without a second thought. I never thought I'd see the day I'd go Natalie Merchant/Danny Hoch on Hollywood, but this is living proof why the third world hates us. Hell, our own freeways are in disrepair, and here are these two crossdressing jokers building their own private Hot Wheels track. Not to mention, if agents can, at will, co-opt the bodies of ordinary citizens in the matrix, why didn't they just take over everybody on the highway at once and surround the heroes?

*Carrie Anne-Moss in leather pants. Not. One. Boner. Sorry, not even she can do it for me now.

I mean, I can find some good elements in here. I like the fact that there are so many people of color in important roles (although it's still good ol' White boy Kanunu that's supposed to be the savior) I do like the idea that religion and prophecy are ultimately just another form of delusion. I did get a semblance of a grin at the multiple Agent Smiths. (I did so much want to yell "MALKOVICH!" -- thank you carnationgirl)

Please, sell me on this. Talk me out of it. I don't like being this angry and contrarian. I'm still going to go see the final installment. Maybe I'll see this again and give it another try. But if I'm not getting it, then that means I'm the asshole. And I know I'm AN asshole, but I don't enjoy being THE asshole.
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