CNR tongue

(no subject)

Okay, you knew it was coming...please pick the best choice for the inevitable porno takeoff of this summer's cult sensation:

punchline A:
SNAKES ON A PLAYMATE

punchline B:
SNAKES ON A POON

punchline C:
SNATCH ON A PLANE

punchline D:
TROUSER SNAKES ON A PLANE
(This one's my favorite - I could see it playing the Tomkat in WeHo.)
CNR tongue

It's all about keeping a stiffy in your lips...or a stiff up your lips...something or other

As usual, the liberal media has failed you.

Don't fall for that "new Muslim extremist group" that claimed responsibility for the tube bombing -- it's a decoy.

Yes, the blogging underground has already uncovered the real architect of this act of terrorism, and released his photograph:

Click...if you really want to know...Collapse )
  • Current Music
    "Optimism [is] a revolutionary act." -- Cusack, SAY ANYTHING
get carter

(no subject)

"Speaking as an enormously unlikeable person, I find it difficult to maintain grudges against all those who want to kill me."

-- James Spader, BOSTON LEGAL

*sigh* My hero.
hee haw

I am SO smoking a turd in purgatory for this

I saw you at Golgotha back in A.D. 2
Watching the angry mob as they hurled stones at you
You said, "Forgive them, they know not what they do"
(oh-ah-oah)

They took the credit for your death at Calvary
Prewritten in the book of Deuteronomy
And now I know that you fulfilled the prophecy
(oh-ah-oah)
I met your brethren
(oh-ah-oah)
What did you tell them?

Judas killed the rabbinical star
Judas killed the rabbinical star


In my Bible and Qu'ran
With Matthew, Mark, and Luke and John
They made you look like Yahweh's pawn
Put the blame on Mel's Icon
  • Current Mood
    sacreligious
hee haw

Blatantly stolen from pauraque and lenablair

If I were this funny, I wouldn't be starving.

Wednesday - THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST is released.

Thursday - The first PASSION OF THE CHRIST fan fiction appears on my friends page.

Friday - potc_fanfic is created. Confusion briefly reigns over the face of the fannish earth, necessitating a name change to the much clearer christ_slash. The day ends with a widely-recced Jesus/Jack Sparrow crossover fic.

Saturday - Backlash. War breaks out between "movie converts" and old-school New Testament slashers who were writing Jesus/Judas before it was cool. Many snarky posts appear reminding us all that The Movie Isn't Canon. So to speak.

Sunday - The fandom rests. Saturday's events are featured on Fandom_Wank, thus ensuring that the flames continue in perpetuity.

Monday - The first non-ironic Jesus/Judas=OTP!! LJ icon appears on my friends page. It uses the Scriptina font.

Tuesday - messiah_sues.

Wednesday - "TPotC? How very passé. I'm writing Marduk/Tiamat now."
  • Current Music
    I don't know how to love him...
normal

I miss you Sarah

I got a hold of a tape of MARY JANE'S NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE before I'd even moved to L.A. It was rough, unpolished, raw, honest, and simple. I knew that this was the harbinger of a future talent, that bigger things were going to come.

A year or so later, I'm living in L.A. I'm trying to revive one of my favorite movies, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE FABULOUS STAINS. Someone tips me off about your article in Grand Royal and your segment for IFC Split Screen. I manage to get your email address and write you. You write me back almost immediately. I call you up. We have an incredible conversation about STAINS and other righteous rock babe movies. I feel like I've met a kindred spirit. The feeling increases when I help Tamara Hernandez tape the director commentary for the DVD of her film MEN CRY BULLETS, and I see your name in the "Thank You" section. I think she even says out loud that you provided valuable help.

Then I lost track of you. Emails never replied. Phone #'s inactive. I'm at a loss as to what's up, but I don't really know who to try to track you down. I figure you're just deep into work; that was your trademark, right? Relentlessly get your 16mm film into one theatre after another, talk to the press, network to get backing for your next project?

I never knew things were so much more difficult.

I hear Roger Ebert shared the secrets of his first time with you after seeing your film. I'm sure he jokingly told you to take that secret to the grave. Looks like you did.

Since you were the embodiment of puck and punk, I think Johnny Rotten gave you the best epitath:

"EVER GET THE FEELING YOU'VE BEEN CHEATED?"

Losing you and the chance to see more of your work? Goddamn right I feel cheated.



Sarah Jacobson - R.I.P. D.I.Y. queen
  • Current Mood
    shocked shocked
chef bites

"It's like being in Macy's, trying to discover Macy's" -- Paul Mooney

Here's a little song going out to George W. and his billion dollar space plan:

A rat done bit my sister Nell
With whitey on the moon
Her face and arms began to swell
And whitey's on the moon
I can't pay no doctor bills
And whitey's on the moon
Ten years from now, I'll be payin' still
While whitey's on the moon

You know, the man just upped my rent last night
'Cos whitey's on the moon
No hot water, no toilets, no lights
But whitey's on the moon
I wonder why he's uppin' me
'Cos whitey's on the moon?
Well, I was already givin' him fifty a week
And now whitey's on the moon

Taxes takin' my whole damn check
The junkies make me a nervous wreck
The price of food is goin' up
And as if all that crap wasn't enough

A rat done bit my sister Nell
With whitey on the moon ..
Was all the money I made las' year
for Whitey on the moon?
How come there ain't no money here?
Hmm! Whitey's on the moon

Y'know I just 'bout had my fill
of Whitey on the moon
I think I'll sen' these doctor bills
to Whitey on the moon.

--Gil Scott-Heron
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed
normal

(no subject)

Angels from the realms of glory
Stars shone bright above
Royal david’s city
Was bathed in the light of love

Jesus christ was born today
Jesus christ was born
Jesus christ was born today
Jesus christ was born

Lo, they did rejoice
Fine and pure of voice
And the wrong shall fail
And the right prevail

Jesus christ was born today
Jesus christ was born
Jesus christ was born today
Jesus christ was born
And we’re gonna get born now.
  • Current Music
    Big Star -- "Jesus Christ"